Friday, March 18, 2011

A Personal Conflict that Birth A Blessing.

Hello Bloggerville USA!! A Shot out to all my blog kids especially. It's been a minuet since I have been on here to address anything that is on my mind. I threatened to vent a few things a few weeks ago but didn't show up.

I hope all is well and 2011 has proven to be a blessed year so far. Being happy, healthy and wise. I have had trouble with all three. I've been sightly depressed, been in the hospital and handled an issue I knew was the correct way to handle it, but my pride stepped in the way and it's still hindering progress by back tracking and start over but differently than the last time.

My new year's resolution has been the same one every year. To become closer and spend quality time with my family members. I need to do better with my parents and brother. It's not working out all that well. Around April/May of last year I was offended by someone after I thought I was defussing a situation but instead was viciously attacked which was very painful for me. It had been over 10 years since I displayed such an outward appearance of being in that much pain.

After I came up for air I took inventory on some hard facts. I realized that I had been using far to much energy going through the motions of "liking" some folks that are positioned real close to my inner circle. An incident around April 2010 forced me to admit, that I didn't REALLY "like" them at all. Not even a little bit. The main thing that upset me about the conclusion was, after the truth was discovered and the light bulb came on, I felt guilty about it. Another thing about it was I had given of myself, material things, time, and a LOT of energy for absolutely no benefits in return. The kind of benefits that money can't buy. Instead I'm used, disregarded, and taken for granted, ignored (unless there is a need I can provide). When folks get that kind of busy, you are WAY to busy. I love everyone as we are commanded to. I will never raise my hand to hurt my brother or sister. I will continue to pray for them and love them in the Lord. But Like?? NO.

The blessing I've received is gaining a loving, giving inner circle of Godly women that I have grown to love overwhelmingly so. We are discrete, good listeners. and share God in all we do. I look forward to hearing from them, about their projects, families, jobs, shopping bargains and just having a chat sitting in my family room here at my home or at the ice cream parlor. God is SO faithful. He gives you what you need when you need it and I'm grateful. Although I don't have a biological daughter God gave me one far better. She's the only family member other than my husband I "selected" myself. Not a relationship that was born to me as a family member, or brought to me by marriage. I Picked this one. Not because of what she brings to me, although it is emotionally healing for me, but because I can shower love upon her and her appreciation for the little things makes my heart sing and it takes my breath away. Thank you God!

I am resigned to do what I heard a senior, seasoned and wise preacher preached in our revival we had one year in the late 80's " Dr Robert L Sanders of Fort Worth, Texas says to "Invest in those, who invest in you" I am being about doing just that.

We DO reap what we sow. The good and the bad. Some of my harvest has been disappointing. Not all was lost. Keep me in your prayers! Love yall

Hope to hear from you all soon. Love to you all!